Will You Ever “Go Back” to Your Old Life? : Life On The “Dark Side”

“Go back” where? To the dark side? Everyone I know well asks me this question.

Yes, I wasn’t born Muslim, and yes I did not always memorize Quran, and I didn’t always wear hijab and I didn’t always pray five times a day…. but… this may shock you… I wasn’t the devil.

In my past life I never treated anyone wrong, I had respect, compassion, love for all other people.  I wasn’t wild.  I was actually the one that always got made fun of for being “stuck up” because I thought I was too good for beer pong championships (white girl reference).

I wasn’t a party-girl, I didn’t do drugs, I didn’t sleep with dudes because they winked and blew an air-kiss my way.

Did I know people like that? Yes.  Was I friends with these people? Yes. Was I one of them? NO.

I think there is often a misconception about nonMuslims in the eyes of Muslims – especially those without nonMuslim friends.

Not all nonMuslims are alcoholic, coke head, gambling addict strippers.  Yes, going out is “the thing to do” in college, but not everyone chooses to follow the crowd.

Also, Muslim readers, think about all the Muslims you know – some of them are probably your friends – that do things that are against the religion… maybe they party, maybe they gamble, maybe they drink… does it make them not Muslim? No.  It just makes them sinners.

Listen, I definitely wasn’t an angel then, but I’m also not an angel now.

I try my best to follow what I think that Allah (swt) wants me to, but no one is perfect. Before Islam, I wasn’t a bad person though!

If you’re asking whether or not I have plans to leave Islam, the answer is:
NOT IN A MILLION BILLION YEARS. I will be Muslim as long as Allah (swt) chooses.

If it’s up to me, that means forever.

If I had any plans to leave this religion I would not be Muslim right now. I have no doubts about Islam.

Yes, I know there are girls who meet a guy at the local 7/11 and take their shahada because “Firas was just so hot and he taught me about Islam while he sold me a case of Bud Light Lime” and then the next day they’re not Muslim anymore. This exists of course, and although I find it heartbreaking, it’s the reality.

I didn’t make the decision to become Muslim on a whim.  I studied it, I prayed about it, I have experienced hardships from it, and I when I die, inshaAllah, I will only ask Allah to come back to earth to worship Him all over again – as a Muslim.

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If you can’t tell by the way I act, I am Muslim in every ounce of my soul.

What is the most frustrating part about this question though is that I feel I was always Muslim.  Despite the fact that I had never read Quran and I didn’t know the pillars of the faith, I still had the same beliefs.

I had the iman (faith) of a Muslim person, but I just didn’t have the ibada (worship).

I always believed in one God, never accepted Christianity as the truth – or Judaism – or Hinduism – or Taoism – or any other religion, though I studied many of them on my quest to find Islam.  When people asked me “what religion are you?” I would list out all of the pillars of Islam – which were consistent with my beliefs – and say that’s what I believe in, but it took me 20 years before I listed these things and someone responded with “oh, you’re Muslim then!”

I always explain it by saying: “if you never ate meat, and thought it was wrong to eat meat, but didn’t know that there are thousands of other people called ‘vegetarians’ out there… weren’t you always a vegetarian?”

That’s exactly how I feel about Islam.  My heart was always Muslim.  

Now that I have the instruction manual on how to please my God, all the changes I’ve made are easy! Becoming Muslim was the easiest decision I’ve ever made – following what Islam requires of me is simple!

I have no plans to ever accept another religion, inshaAllah ya Rab.  I have never been so sure of something in my whole life.

I will never drink alcohol, I will never eat bacon, I will never dance naked in a club – not even for a billion dollars.

May Allah (swt) make all of my fondest memories those that were of my path to Him, and protect me – and all my fellow Muslims – from all the haram in this dunya in order to reward us in akirah.

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10 thoughts on “Will You Ever “Go Back” to Your Old Life? : Life On The “Dark Side”

  1. Masha’Allah. you make some very pertinent points. Such perspectives are important to bolster Muslims’ attempt to understand ‘thoughts from the other side’ but in a constructive way. I’m planning a post or two about this topic – so will keep a eye on your blog with this in mind. Jazakallah for sharing. Wa salam. 🙂

  2. Absolutely love this post!!! I find it so annoying being asked this question as well. You have shared some valuable points beautifully, Masha’Allah! Jazakhallah Khairan for sharing sister! ❤

  3. Reblogged this on The Secret Hijabi and commented:
    This post definitely sums up so much of what I would like to say to all those who doubt my choice! I was never evil, I was just different. Now I’m better (by Allah’s grace), and only going to get better, Insha’Allah!

  4. masha’Allah sister, may peace be uppon you! I’m very glad to see other people with stories similar to mine ^^, may your journey be easy insha’Allah!

  5. Salamu alaikum. I happened to randomly come across your blog here and I just read this article. I never comment on anything but this time I had to say you go girl! Lol. Good job on being Muslim and I am really happy that you have come to Islam logically. Alhamdulillah. Don’t ever give up on Allah. It’s your most coveted commodity. Guard it jealously! May Allah give our souls a place in Jannah 🙂

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